Christmas was closing in fast and I hadn't got a shilling, when suddenly it came to me. The idea that is !, to get myself a set of chimney cleaning rods, and go cleaning chimneys. In order to build up my clientele I put an advert in the local rag and "Hey presto", the phone start hopping. I was delighted, business was brisk as everyone wanted their chimneys cleaned for the Crimbo. Most of my business came from little old dears, which was great, because I could just ram the rods up the flue, give them a quick spin and then pull them back down. If I walked out the door with a small bag of soot everyone was happy, and the old dears weren't going to bother inspecting the chimneys' afterwards. Then I got a call off a punter who wanted his chimney cleaned because he was relining his flue. "No bother" says Silvio. I showed up the next morning and did the usual, shoved the rods up, quick spin, pull down and filled a small bag with soot. He handed me 70 euro, lovely. I was nearly home and my phone rang. "Get your ass back here", the punter says, "there's still four stone of soot up that chimney", he says. "No way, it's spotless" says Silvio. "I'm after lying down on me back and shining a high powered torch up it and I can see mounds of soot", says the punter. "I'm ringing the Association of Irish Chimney Sweeps about you Silvio", he shouts down the phone. "No need for that, I'll be back in five minutes", says Silvio, trying to avoid being exposed as the chimney sweep from hell. Needless to say he was right, I took a black bin-liner of soot away the second time, and decided to call time on my newest career. That was one crap job I'll never forget for all the wrong reasons.
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